GOING GREEN (AND TRYING TO LEAN)

This past week has not seen my greatest "stay in shape" performances.  In fact, I really haven't done much of anything since I pulled something in my calf on my run about a week and a half ago.  I have, however, managed to drink wayyyy too much beer and eat wayyyy too much food.  This  has led me down the path of fitness destruction.  My get up and go is getting up and going somewhere else.  It is one of those cycles that I sometimes find myself in when I get injured and life is dealing out kicks to the balls.  Injury forces me to take it easy on workouts and when life doesn't co-operate I turn into a glutton.  Not cool at all.

On the plus side, this would have put me in a complete downward spiral in the past but over the past five years I have tried to let these things become lessons.  So after only a week of living like a sloth, I am making positive decisions.  These positive decisions come in the form of rules for myself.  My wife laughed when I told her yesterday that I was done eating poorly.  I had stated that it would be my last day (for a while) of eating like crap.  I was accused of being too black and white.  BUT that's the thing about me...I am black and white about some stuff.  I can't go into fitness and health related changes in a half-assed way.  It's just not how I am built.  Despite having spent a large portion of my life in a personal battle with "rules," I find that I need to give myself rules just to give me a better chance of success sticking to new goals.

Considering it has been a busy year so far, I actually haven't been doing that badly.  My running hasn't been as regular as I like and I have not been sticking to my workout routine but I have managed to drop a couple of pounds through some decent eating and giving up beer for a bit.  I don't want that momentum to stop...and it kind of did over the past week.  My diet and slug-like activity levels have left me feeling like garbage.  So today is the day that things change.

Of course running is always at the heart of everything and as soon as my leg feels good, I will be out patrolling the streets of suburbia but I need to set some other goals for myself to ensure that I feel good all of the time.

For Easter we got a Magic Bullet for making smoothies and such.  I broke it in today.

I always hear people talking about how great smoothies are for you so I decided to join the madness.

• apple
• almond milk
• carrots
• celery
• cucumber
• chia seeds
• sprouts

I made one for now and one for tomorrow morning so I don't wake up the house with blending at 6 in the morning.  Tomorrow evening I will branch out with some kale and fresh parsley.

MMMMM...it is really good and not too chunky at all.

Also on the diet note, I am putting some certain weaknesses on the no-fly list for a while...including nachos (and I made chilli for dinner tonight so this will be put to the test.)  I need to get back to the eating basics...you know, the fruits and the vegetables and not so much processed stuff.  I really don't know how the health nuts make this lifestyle look so easy but I am determined to find out.  I am sure most of the people I know look at my running habit as an odd activity to do for fun but, hey, different strokes.

I am also starting a new and somewhat easier workout commitment.  Push ups and yoga.  Push ups are easy and really take no time to fit into a day.

And they aren't hard to fit into cleaning up the kitchen either.  Gotta keep this body in shape...bikini season will soon be upon us.

Nothing feels better than getting good stretch in.  This is something that I truly do struggle with because I find it hard to find a 20-30 minute block of time throughout the day...especially if I have already put in an hour on the run.  However, this is about body maintenance and I am getting to old to recover quickly from injury.

So this is the plan to get green and lean.  The green drinks should be a healthier alternative to beer and nachos.  The push ups never hurt and the yoga is a great way to avoid the hurt.  Let's hope that the healthy momentum is even half as easy to maintain as my lazy momentum.

And the first green drink is done....delicious (not really) and healthy.

IN THE WAKE OF TRAGEDY

I used to be involved in one of those social media sites.  I would post my running stats for the day and then write endlessly about whatever came to mind.  It was kind of like my own little blog that had zero form but, because my running stats were entered, it was running-based writing.  Eventually, I decided to quit that site.  There were reasons that I won’t go into here but I really do miss that free form sort of diary-ish writing that I had done there.  So I started this blog…which so far, has been kind of lacking…lacking in regularity and lacking in direction.  At first I had lofty ambitions of turning my blog into an all encompassing runner’s blog that was full of fresh insight and ground breaking ideas.  I guess I finally just realize that I am a regular runner who puts in what miles he can and just enjoys the fuck out of it. 

So maybe, once again, my “blog” (in quotations because I don’t believe it has earned the distinction of blogness yet) may be changing directions.  Maybe this is an extension of what I once wrote about…running and life and just trying to become a better person as I go along.  I like to write because, as the words get typed onto the screen, I start to get a better idea of how I truly feel about a subject.  Unfortunately, what I am writing about today is horrible but I need to get it down so that I can begin to process it better.

 Life is full of tragic events.  My life is no different.  Early Monday morning we got a phone call from my wife’s best friend.  Her son had killed himself.  I feel numb and sick just writing it down.  He snuffed out his own life at the age of twenty.  I won’t go into details about anything except to say he was a really nice kid and came from a really nice family.  I don’t know what caused him to become so hopeless that he would do this and I doubt that anyone will ever really know.  All that is left is the aftermath.

That horrible aftermath.  The clean up of a life taken and everything else left in shambles.  A family left to pick up the pieces and try to carry on.  I honestly don’t know how people do it.  How do you move on and recover from something like that?  Do you stay in the family home because everything you remember about your kid happened there?  Or is the memory to hurtful to bear – looking at the living room where he opened his Christmas gifts or the kitchen where he consumed a thousand meals?  I would be a wreck and I don’t know if I could ever stop being a wreck.

In all events I try to take lessons.  I try to look at every tragedy as an opportunity to become a better person, every bad day as a way to treat the good days with the respect and reverence that they deserve.  After hearing the news, my wife immediately went to go help out with whatever she could.  I stayed at home with my kids.  I told them what happened…and I told them I loved them…and I told them that no matter how hopeless things may seem, that I would always be there for them – to help see them through to better days.  And then I hugged them like I could never let them go…because I just can’t.

Every time my life is struck with the death of someone I know, I can’t help but think about the lives we lead.  They are short and seem to pass by in a flash if we let them.  Despite my sadness for our friends and their family, I just can’t help but want to grab onto the reigns of life even more tightly and ride it for all it’s worth.  In the wake of disaster, I just want to hold my family and friends close and appreciate what a gift life truly is.

This is the second time that a suicide has impacted my life directly.  The first time was a friend that I had worked with.  He had quit his job and had told me that he was starting a new job in a couple of weeks.  The next I heard, he and his girlfriend had killed themselves.  We weren’t super close but it had a huge impact on my life.  I just couldn’t understand how someone could do it.  I couldn’t understand how things get so bad that suicide is the only answer and I couldn’t understand how somebody could leave their family behind to wonder what they could have done differently.  Now I am older.  It has been over 20 years ago since my friend and his girlfriend killed themselves.  I still don’t understand how someone can do this to themselves and to their families.  But I suppose I have become more empathetic over the years…instead of feeling angry and confused, I just feel sad.  I get that there is disease that affects the mind instead of the body and I get that the warning signs aren’t always there.  I understand that relationships are a delicate balance and I know that easy answers are rare.  In the case of this most recent suicide I know that the parents were reaching out to their son and trying to help them but they didn’t know the depths of the darkness that he was enveloped in.  I know that they are probably questioning themselves but I honestly don’t think the answer is there…some events just can’t be stopped.  I think this was one of them.

So where is the lesson?  There has to be something else besides death making me want to embrace life.  There is – there is so much more.  It serves as a reminder that everyone walks a different path.  We never know what others are going through.  Maybe a co-worker is experiencing depression.  Maybe the person who serves your Starbuck’s coffee just lost a loved one.  Maybe the paper boy is being bullied at school.  We just don’t know what it is like in someone else’s shoes.  I really do try to be compassionate towards others but it is tragic events such as these that really drive home the importance.  Showing a little love towards our fellow humans can go a long way.

The Bigger Man

Last Friday I got into an argument with a co-worker.  Although he may have had a valid point or two, I was right about what I was saying.  Things got heated and voices were raised.  At this point I lost my temper and said some things I shouldn’t have.  Without getting into meaningless details, we both had a right to be angry…and we both handled ourselves poorly.

Unfortunately, I am not one of those people that can just forget about arguments.  I play conflict over in my mind.  Was I right in how I handled things?  Could I have done something different?  Was my co-worker right?  Was I being mean?  These and many other questions popped into my head on the weekend.  My mind churned and I couldn’t stop it.  It was a bummer.

At the end of it all, I was satisfied that I probably let my anger get the best of me but I was justified in being angry.  I don’t think that I presented myself very well but the things that I said were true.  I concluded that I was right but sometimes that just isn’t enough.  It is almost always better to let cooler heads prevail…and this situation was no different from most.  Despite being right about something, I really felt badly about going about my business in the wrong way.

I remembered all of the stuff I have learned over the years about “making peace” and “being the bigger man.”  That is what I set out to do this morning…I set out to “be the bigger man.”  I found my co-worker and we both apologized to each other simultaneously…and I really learned something.  “Being the bigger man” does not necessarily refer to being a bigger person than someone else.  I was no “bigger” than my co-worker.  I was bigger than I was yesterday.  I was able to let go of my ego and realize that there are things more important than being right.  

World Series Trophy Stays in the Pacific

Every spring brings about the rebirth and renewal of….BASEBALL.

As I do every year this time, I took out my Magic 8 Ball, my Ouija Board, and my Tarot Cards in an effort to predict the destinies of 30 Major League Baseball teams.  After several shots of rum and a few prayers to Jobu I think I am ready to put pencil to paper (or fingers to keyboard because it’s 2015.)

AL EAST

1.       Boston Red Sox – they lack a true Ace (unless Buckholz comes through) but have everything else.

2.       Baltimore Orioles – hard to believe they aren’t going to miss Markakis and Cruz.

3.       Toronto Blue Jays – losing Lawrie is a definite plus…but not enough.

4.       New York Yankees – The Yankees suck.

5.       Tampa Bay Rays – feeding other teams your best players and letting Maddon slip away is not good for business…oh wait, no one shows up to their games anyway.

AL CENTRAL

1.       Detroit Tigers – Still not convinced the Tigers have what it takes but not convinced Sox do either.

2.       Chicago White Sox – Looking good this year…finally.

3.       Kansas City Royals – I just don’t see it.

4.       Cleveland Indians – rotation is just too thin to scare anyone.

5.       Minnesota Twins – just not a good team.

AL WEST

1.       Seattle Mariners – Great pitching and improved offense…how do you go wrong?

2.       California Angels – Good all around team.

3.       Houston Astros – much improved…they actually have a major league roster.

4.       Oakland Athletics – those trades last year killed them. They did nothing and now have nothing.

5.       Texas Rangers – not a great team but not having much luck either.

NL EAST

1.       Washington Nationals – tough not to go with these guys.

2.       Florida Marlins – These guys are gonna be good.

3.       Atlanta Braves – the rebuild is on…time will tell how hard it will be.

4.       New York Metropolitans – Dwight Gooden was awesome.

5.       Philadelphia Phillies – what a debacle.

NL CENTRAL

1.       St. Louis Cardinals – these guys are just good every year.

2.       Chicago Cubs – I know…weird…but these guys look for real.  So young but good.

3.       Pittsburgh Pirates – they just need a rotation.

4.       Cincinnati Reds – could be bad, could be good…who knows?

5.       Milwaukee Brewers – could be bad…up…that’s it.

NL WEST

1.       Los Angeles Dodgers – all around good team.

2.       San Francisco Giants – can’t see another WS in the near future.

3.       San Diego Padres – another team that looks a lot better than last year.

4.       Colorado Rockies – not a super team.

5.       Arizona Diamondbacks – less super than the Rockies.

Who gets the wild card spots?

AL – Angels and White Sox.

NL – Marlins and Cubs.

PLAY OFFS

AL WC – White Sox over Angels

NL WC – Cubs over Marlins

ALDS – Mariners over White Sox and Red Sox over Tigers

NLDS – Nationals over Cubs and Dodgers over Cardinals

ALCS – Mariners over Red Sox

NLCS – Nationals over Dodgers

WS – MARINERS WIN!!! MARINERS WIN!!! MAAAARRRRRINERRRRS WINNNNNNNNNN!!!

Yup…you heard it here first.  The Mariners are getting their rings this year.

IT JUST FEELS GOOD

We all have our reasons why we do the things we do.  Runners are no different.  I have heard hundreds of reasons why people run.  Some run to lose weight or stay in shape.  Some run competitively and want to win races or break their personal records.  Some just run to keep the voices in their heads at bay.  I’ll be honest – all of those and many other reasons apply to me as well.  Ask me why I run several times throughout the course of a year and you may get several different answers.  Today, however, I remember the real underlying reason to why I run.

I am usually a superb sleeper.  It is just one of my talents.  I can fall asleep quickly and I generally crash hard.  Unfortunately, the past week has not been my best pillow work.  You know how it is…wife with a bad cold coughing all night and watching Bones ‘til the wee hours, dogs that, for some reason, feel it necessary to cause mayhem and destruction at 2 AM, kids that seem to save their most pressing issues until ten o’clock and then they want to have a heart to heart talk, and maybe a tad too much manic energy on my part.  Whatever the reasons, sleep has become an issue over the past week or so.  That is why last night was so magical.  Everybody was in bed by ten.  I was zonked by 10:05 (as previously mentioned I am a great sleeper.)  I woke up at 4:49 (one minute before my alarm would have started singing it’s horrible song.)

4:50 is the time of day where an important decision is made.  Do I reset the alarm out another hour or do I get up and run?  Sleep is important when you work 10+ hours a day in front of an evil computer so the circumstances of the past week have seen me reset the alarm every day…until today.  Today I woke up and did my quick evaluation of whether I was ready to face a new day.  I WAS.

Now I love running at any time of the day but there are a couple of times that seem a bit more sacred.  I really love a good run in the summer at dusk when the world is just starting to get dark and the fireflies are out and everything just seems magical.  The other sacred time is pre-dawn when the world is still sleeping and all is peaceful.  Pre-dawn also just happens to be my best window of opportunity because of all of the stuff that needs to get done in any given day.  You know what they say – there ain’t no runnin’ like pre-dawn runnin’.

SO…after five days of not running, I finally got my run on this morning.  What did I discover upon completing my run?  I discovered just how great I feel.  My body feels great.  My head feels great.  I figured out why I run.  IT JUST FEELS GOOD.  Running makes it all right.  

ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER

There is a history of depression in my family.  I don’t know how far back it goes.  My great-grandfather committed suicide.  My grandpa was quite stoic but now that I am older it is so easy to see that he struggled with depression.  My dad has also had his problems  going back further than I can remember and a few years ago spent some months in hospitalization due to that ambiguous disease.  Of course, that leaves me as next in line.

I never paid much attention to much of anything as a kid but as a teenager, I must have recognized that I had some issues.    It’s funny because it is so hard to recognize deficiencies in yourself but I began to self medicate like a madman.  I drank heavily several times a week.  I experimented with recreational drugs.  I basically numbed myself out to a point where I feel it altered my reality.  I had really lost touch with my self and my emotions.  That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t on an emotional roller coaster.  I was.  I would experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  I loved it and I hated it.

Eventually, I suppose I matured a bit.  I got out of the party scene.  I got a decent job.  I got married and had kids.  I did a lot better than the high school guidance counselors ever imagined but you don’t go through a life like that without scars.  I think I was emotionally stunted because I had ignored what was going on inside my body and my head for a really long time.  I really had no idea how to live life or how to handle problems.  I tried to figure it all out and basically lived by the mantra, “fake it ‘til you make it.”  I suppose that it worked out ok.  I became more even keeled.  I didn’t have the super ups and mega downs anymore but I still felt lost.

Running changed a lot of that.  I had always been a runner…just not a consistent one.  Finally, four years ago at the ripe old age of 39 I made a commitment to change.  I committed to running.  I started slow but stuck with it and began to make big strides…not just in the physical sense but things started changing upstairs too.  Until that point, I don’t really believe I had much purpose in life.  Yes, I was a good dad and husband, but I think that was it….other than that I was just a dude that watched a lot of sports on tv and drank too much beer.

Running gave me purpose.  It gave me goals to aspire to.  I started to gain the confidence that I didn’t even realize I didn’t have.  I began to care less about the people in my life that didn’t matter and more about the people that did.  Mostly I think it opened up the doors to understanding who I really am.

Annnnnnnnnnnd…that brings us around to the whole point of today’s ramblings.  The last six months have not been the best for me on the mental health level.  I have been low.  Various events at the end of last year took their toll on me and I just couldn’t climb out of my hole.  I have been trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other in both life and my running and it has been working out.  Finally, last week seemed to be a difference maker.  The nasty cold winter broke and brought some nice spring air into my life.  Some pressurized work situations came to a head.  I had a couple of good heart-to-heart discussions with my wife.  And I finally had a good running week….my first in what seems like forever.  Five days of running in one week and a decent looking 35 miles.

While running those miles, I gave a lot of thought to how thankful I was for starting to feel a bit more “myself.”  I thought back to times in my life weren’t going well and how I had just mentally packed it in and how this time was different.  I soldiered through.  I made sure to get out at least once or twice a week to run and blow off a little steam despite the horrid weather.  Best of all, I knew that things would get better.  I know it is only a beginning but that is where everything starts.  I truly am convinced that running has helped me to become more mentally balanced and more prepared to handle the obstacles that life has been known to put before us…and I am thankful.

RITUAL DE LO HABITUAL

There are all kinds of examples of successful people in the world.  We can look at people who have realized their career goals.  Look at how successful she is….she is a partner in the law firm.  Some people have made it rich and have all of those material things that seem to go along with that lifestyle.  Others have reached the pinnacle of their chosen sport…their success judged on victories and accolades.  On the same scale, we can see the people who have been successful in their workouts.  Whether they be runners, gym rats, yogis, or any other type of athlete, these people tend to be in pretty good shape.

Yep…it’s easy to pick out a runner in the summer with their shorts revealing well muscled calves.  It is not hard to see who works out when they wear tight clothes that reveal their lack of body fat and hardened muscles.  Just like the people who are successful in other aspects of their lives, the results of their work are easily seen.  What is not easily seen is the actual work that goes into becoming successful.  We seem to have this vague idea  that so-and-so had to work hard to get where they are at.  This person had to hit the gym for months to achieve that physique and that person had to go to school for four years and climb the corporate ladder to land that position.  But that really doesn’t tell the whole story.

I am beginning to realize that there is something else behind the scenes that makes us successful in our endeavours.  It isn’t just about doing the work or getting the training in.  It isn’t about certificates, education, races won….it is all about HABIT.  When I was in high school I can remember kids getting really good grades on tests.  I would think that kid is really smart and probably studied.  It never occurred to me that the smart kid probably did more than just study before the test.  He or she probably studied several times a week throughout the school year in order to consistently get good marks on tests.  I used to look at the track stars and think that guy is so fast.  True, there is some innate talent when it comes to some things, but, just like everything else, speed takes work…not just a few warm up sessions before the big race…real work…every day work.  It’s a habit.

A habit is a funny thing.  Bad habits are tough to kick and good habits are tough to get going.  Have you ever tried to quit smoking, drinking, or using?  If so, you know how hard a road that is.  Conversely, have you ever tried to get up at 445 am five or six days a week to get your run or your workout in?  Or have you ever tried to only eat healthy foods.  Both of these habits are equally hard to start as some of the others are to stop.  BUT the habit is the key to success.  The races aren’t won on race day…they are won or lost long before that.  You win races in January and February when those who are not quite so committed sit on their sofas and watch television and you are out facing the elements and getting your runs in.

This is what I remind myself of as I embark on my weight training.  I know my weights and reps are low.  I know that the things I am doing are not impressive…even to a rookie like myself…but I know that I am building a habit along with new muscle.  Already I feel slight increases in strength and I know it will only continue.

The HABIT is the key.  The results don’t happen in one day.  Habits are not built in one day.  Realize there will be failures and set backs but every day is a new day and all you can do is just keep pushing forward.  Eventually the habit forms and once it is formed you begin to crave it.  Then the work doesn’t seem so much like work anymore.  It becomes a part of what you do and who you are.  Then some time down the road people look at you and think about how you are in such good shape and they think you are lucky.  It’s true…you are lucky…lucky that you became your habit.