The Bigger Man

Last Friday I got into an argument with a co-worker.  Although he may have had a valid point or two, I was right about what I was saying.  Things got heated and voices were raised.  At this point I lost my temper and said some things I shouldn’t have.  Without getting into meaningless details, we both had a right to be angry…and we both handled ourselves poorly.

Unfortunately, I am not one of those people that can just forget about arguments.  I play conflict over in my mind.  Was I right in how I handled things?  Could I have done something different?  Was my co-worker right?  Was I being mean?  These and many other questions popped into my head on the weekend.  My mind churned and I couldn’t stop it.  It was a bummer.

At the end of it all, I was satisfied that I probably let my anger get the best of me but I was justified in being angry.  I don’t think that I presented myself very well but the things that I said were true.  I concluded that I was right but sometimes that just isn’t enough.  It is almost always better to let cooler heads prevail…and this situation was no different from most.  Despite being right about something, I really felt badly about going about my business in the wrong way.

I remembered all of the stuff I have learned over the years about “making peace” and “being the bigger man.”  That is what I set out to do this morning…I set out to “be the bigger man.”  I found my co-worker and we both apologized to each other simultaneously…and I really learned something.  “Being the bigger man” does not necessarily refer to being a bigger person than someone else.  I was no “bigger” than my co-worker.  I was bigger than I was yesterday.  I was able to let go of my ego and realize that there are things more important than being right.  

World Series Trophy Stays in the Pacific

Every spring brings about the rebirth and renewal of….BASEBALL.

As I do every year this time, I took out my Magic 8 Ball, my Ouija Board, and my Tarot Cards in an effort to predict the destinies of 30 Major League Baseball teams.  After several shots of rum and a few prayers to Jobu I think I am ready to put pencil to paper (or fingers to keyboard because it’s 2015.)

AL EAST

1.       Boston Red Sox – they lack a true Ace (unless Buckholz comes through) but have everything else.

2.       Baltimore Orioles – hard to believe they aren’t going to miss Markakis and Cruz.

3.       Toronto Blue Jays – losing Lawrie is a definite plus…but not enough.

4.       New York Yankees – The Yankees suck.

5.       Tampa Bay Rays – feeding other teams your best players and letting Maddon slip away is not good for business…oh wait, no one shows up to their games anyway.

AL CENTRAL

1.       Detroit Tigers – Still not convinced the Tigers have what it takes but not convinced Sox do either.

2.       Chicago White Sox – Looking good this year…finally.

3.       Kansas City Royals – I just don’t see it.

4.       Cleveland Indians – rotation is just too thin to scare anyone.

5.       Minnesota Twins – just not a good team.

AL WEST

1.       Seattle Mariners – Great pitching and improved offense…how do you go wrong?

2.       California Angels – Good all around team.

3.       Houston Astros – much improved…they actually have a major league roster.

4.       Oakland Athletics – those trades last year killed them. They did nothing and now have nothing.

5.       Texas Rangers – not a great team but not having much luck either.

NL EAST

1.       Washington Nationals – tough not to go with these guys.

2.       Florida Marlins – These guys are gonna be good.

3.       Atlanta Braves – the rebuild is on…time will tell how hard it will be.

4.       New York Metropolitans – Dwight Gooden was awesome.

5.       Philadelphia Phillies – what a debacle.

NL CENTRAL

1.       St. Louis Cardinals – these guys are just good every year.

2.       Chicago Cubs – I know…weird…but these guys look for real.  So young but good.

3.       Pittsburgh Pirates – they just need a rotation.

4.       Cincinnati Reds – could be bad, could be good…who knows?

5.       Milwaukee Brewers – could be bad…up…that’s it.

NL WEST

1.       Los Angeles Dodgers – all around good team.

2.       San Francisco Giants – can’t see another WS in the near future.

3.       San Diego Padres – another team that looks a lot better than last year.

4.       Colorado Rockies – not a super team.

5.       Arizona Diamondbacks – less super than the Rockies.

Who gets the wild card spots?

AL – Angels and White Sox.

NL – Marlins and Cubs.

PLAY OFFS

AL WC – White Sox over Angels

NL WC – Cubs over Marlins

ALDS – Mariners over White Sox and Red Sox over Tigers

NLDS – Nationals over Cubs and Dodgers over Cardinals

ALCS – Mariners over Red Sox

NLCS – Nationals over Dodgers

WS – MARINERS WIN!!! MARINERS WIN!!! MAAAARRRRRINERRRRS WINNNNNNNNNN!!!

Yup…you heard it here first.  The Mariners are getting their rings this year.

IT JUST FEELS GOOD

We all have our reasons why we do the things we do.  Runners are no different.  I have heard hundreds of reasons why people run.  Some run to lose weight or stay in shape.  Some run competitively and want to win races or break their personal records.  Some just run to keep the voices in their heads at bay.  I’ll be honest – all of those and many other reasons apply to me as well.  Ask me why I run several times throughout the course of a year and you may get several different answers.  Today, however, I remember the real underlying reason to why I run.

I am usually a superb sleeper.  It is just one of my talents.  I can fall asleep quickly and I generally crash hard.  Unfortunately, the past week has not been my best pillow work.  You know how it is…wife with a bad cold coughing all night and watching Bones ‘til the wee hours, dogs that, for some reason, feel it necessary to cause mayhem and destruction at 2 AM, kids that seem to save their most pressing issues until ten o’clock and then they want to have a heart to heart talk, and maybe a tad too much manic energy on my part.  Whatever the reasons, sleep has become an issue over the past week or so.  That is why last night was so magical.  Everybody was in bed by ten.  I was zonked by 10:05 (as previously mentioned I am a great sleeper.)  I woke up at 4:49 (one minute before my alarm would have started singing it’s horrible song.)

4:50 is the time of day where an important decision is made.  Do I reset the alarm out another hour or do I get up and run?  Sleep is important when you work 10+ hours a day in front of an evil computer so the circumstances of the past week have seen me reset the alarm every day…until today.  Today I woke up and did my quick evaluation of whether I was ready to face a new day.  I WAS.

Now I love running at any time of the day but there are a couple of times that seem a bit more sacred.  I really love a good run in the summer at dusk when the world is just starting to get dark and the fireflies are out and everything just seems magical.  The other sacred time is pre-dawn when the world is still sleeping and all is peaceful.  Pre-dawn also just happens to be my best window of opportunity because of all of the stuff that needs to get done in any given day.  You know what they say – there ain’t no runnin’ like pre-dawn runnin’.

SO…after five days of not running, I finally got my run on this morning.  What did I discover upon completing my run?  I discovered just how great I feel.  My body feels great.  My head feels great.  I figured out why I run.  IT JUST FEELS GOOD.  Running makes it all right.  

ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER

There is a history of depression in my family.  I don’t know how far back it goes.  My great-grandfather committed suicide.  My grandpa was quite stoic but now that I am older it is so easy to see that he struggled with depression.  My dad has also had his problems  going back further than I can remember and a few years ago spent some months in hospitalization due to that ambiguous disease.  Of course, that leaves me as next in line.

I never paid much attention to much of anything as a kid but as a teenager, I must have recognized that I had some issues.    It’s funny because it is so hard to recognize deficiencies in yourself but I began to self medicate like a madman.  I drank heavily several times a week.  I experimented with recreational drugs.  I basically numbed myself out to a point where I feel it altered my reality.  I had really lost touch with my self and my emotions.  That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t on an emotional roller coaster.  I was.  I would experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  I loved it and I hated it.

Eventually, I suppose I matured a bit.  I got out of the party scene.  I got a decent job.  I got married and had kids.  I did a lot better than the high school guidance counselors ever imagined but you don’t go through a life like that without scars.  I think I was emotionally stunted because I had ignored what was going on inside my body and my head for a really long time.  I really had no idea how to live life or how to handle problems.  I tried to figure it all out and basically lived by the mantra, “fake it ‘til you make it.”  I suppose that it worked out ok.  I became more even keeled.  I didn’t have the super ups and mega downs anymore but I still felt lost.

Running changed a lot of that.  I had always been a runner…just not a consistent one.  Finally, four years ago at the ripe old age of 39 I made a commitment to change.  I committed to running.  I started slow but stuck with it and began to make big strides…not just in the physical sense but things started changing upstairs too.  Until that point, I don’t really believe I had much purpose in life.  Yes, I was a good dad and husband, but I think that was it….other than that I was just a dude that watched a lot of sports on tv and drank too much beer.

Running gave me purpose.  It gave me goals to aspire to.  I started to gain the confidence that I didn’t even realize I didn’t have.  I began to care less about the people in my life that didn’t matter and more about the people that did.  Mostly I think it opened up the doors to understanding who I really am.

Annnnnnnnnnnd…that brings us around to the whole point of today’s ramblings.  The last six months have not been the best for me on the mental health level.  I have been low.  Various events at the end of last year took their toll on me and I just couldn’t climb out of my hole.  I have been trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other in both life and my running and it has been working out.  Finally, last week seemed to be a difference maker.  The nasty cold winter broke and brought some nice spring air into my life.  Some pressurized work situations came to a head.  I had a couple of good heart-to-heart discussions with my wife.  And I finally had a good running week….my first in what seems like forever.  Five days of running in one week and a decent looking 35 miles.

While running those miles, I gave a lot of thought to how thankful I was for starting to feel a bit more “myself.”  I thought back to times in my life weren’t going well and how I had just mentally packed it in and how this time was different.  I soldiered through.  I made sure to get out at least once or twice a week to run and blow off a little steam despite the horrid weather.  Best of all, I knew that things would get better.  I know it is only a beginning but that is where everything starts.  I truly am convinced that running has helped me to become more mentally balanced and more prepared to handle the obstacles that life has been known to put before us…and I am thankful.